Nothing was ever enough. I felt incomplete, lacking, unsettled, hollow; as if a never-ending hole needed to be filled. Something was missing. I craved more. So, I searched for that some thing, some one, some place that could fill up my emptiness again and again.
I tried to fill up that hole through material, emotional and physical desires. My search included many people, possessions and achievements thinking they would make me happy, guide me in good directions, settle my anxiety, affirm my needs, validate my worth, make me feel special and improve something in my life.
A few years ago, desperation finally defeated me and I hit bottom. I was tired of always searching. Until, ...my "more" became increasingly evident.
It began slowly when I was introduced to a devotional book, Jesus Calling. The daily readings connected with my life circumstances and continuously brought me peace and insight. After this, the search became fast and fierce with hunger! My driven personality led me to score more spiritual growth going after this goal 100% with discipline and a set mind. I was all in! So, the process sped up quickly. More, more, more!!
Many of my dear Christian friends helped me continue my search. One friend accompanied me to my new church for the first time and gave me a beautiful cross necklace. Another friend gifted me my cherished devotional, always met and prayed with me, set up a meeting with a pastor, enrolled me in "Alpha"(a weekly church community class discussing and answering common questions about our Christian beliefs), began a bible study with me and invited me to my first women's retreat, an undeniable transforming weekend in my life. A third friend purchased a women's bible for me, went with me to "Alpha" and started a prayer group with me, where I met more incredible and supportive friends telling me about K-LOVE, the Christian radio station that lifts me up every day. It was all overwhelming and amazing! I could not believe the kindness coming from these women to help me, truly being led by God. I was becoming more and more filled up, and this was only the beginning.
I began to pray my way through my day keeping my focus on God first and His unconditional love. He was filling my heart with truths about how much He loves me creating strength, healing, redemption, restoration, compassion and acceptance.
I feel so blessed to have found my "more" in my relationship with Jesus. I try hard every day to be guided by the Holy Spirit, not fleshly desires. Only He can reach the deep places within me that need Him most, and fill me with the power of His word, His promises and gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Dear Jesus,
