I Will Not Fear. God is with Me Always

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31:8

I am not alone! Those comforting words resonate great peace for me now that I truly believe God is with me always. For years, I struggled with feeling alone, and at times, it became a paralyzing fear. 

When I was a little girl, I remember feelings of anxiety when thinking of being alone. Nothing bad ever happened to me to make me feel this way, but the insecurities within myself kept the fear alive.  I needed someone with me to assure all was good, distract me from my negative thoughts, and help me make the right choices. I wasn't okay by myself, and I didn't want to mess up and not be accepted or loved.

My mother expressed how much she wanted me and loved me daily as her special, adopted child. However, my negative thoughts would creep in and tell me I wasn't good enough and didn't belong.  Wondering why my father left us when I was only two years old added to my unhealthy thought pattern.  Anxiety and fear grew, and panic attacks and a recurring nightmare began.  I would dream of my mother jumping into a quicksand pit declaring she was leaving me all alone.  These feelings created a dependence on other people since I didn't trust myself and know my true identity as God's beloved child.

As I grew older, I developed confidence and learned skills to deal with my anxiety.  I didn't mind being alone as much, but I still searched for comfort from others.

Seeking support and companionship helped me.  However, my genuine security and healing began when I allowed God full access to my heart, my mind and my life.  God planted the right people in my path to show me His presence and promises, and encourage me to surrender to Him.

Acknowledging God's unwavering presence in my life and enjoying a beautiful relationship with his son, Jesus, now gives me everything I need!  "So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I have come a long way in dealing with my fear and insecurities. My quiet times are cherished now, and I really enjoy being "alone"!

God has equipped me with trust in Him, and allowed me to let go of my fears and receive His loving presence and direction at all times.  Considering my husband works out of town all week, leaving me as the sole parent to care for our children, shows my unbelievable progress.  I know it was part of God's plan to rely on Him, have faith in myself and overcome!

I live with Jesus always in my heart.  I am in Him and He lives in me.  I clearly see that God is always at work creating good things, even through bad circumstances.  He guides me daily with His word, prayer and an amazing community of people.  

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I am grateful that my weakness, fears and desperation for needing someone ultimately led me to Your arms.  With faith that you are always near, I have peace, joy and confidence.  Thank you for being in control of my life and always protecting, guiding , loving and providing for me as your precious child. I will not be afraid, and I know I am not alone as stated perfectly in the following song by Kari Jobe, "I Am Not Alone". 

Always Searching for More

I'm extremely grateful for all that I have in my life. I've been married to a loving and supportive husband for over 20 years; blessed with three children, a beautiful home, fantastic friends, successful jobs and good health. But, I was always searching for something more.

Nothing was ever enough. I felt incomplete, lacking, unsettled, hollow; as if a never-ending hole needed to be filled. Something was missing. I craved more. So, I searched for that some thing, some one, some place that could fill up my emptiness again and again.

I tried to fill up that hole through material, emotional and physical desires. My search included many people, possessions and achievements thinking they would make me happy, guide me in good directions, settle my anxiety, affirm my needs, validate my worth, make me feel special and improve something in my life.

A few years ago, desperation finally defeated me and I hit bottom. I was tired of always searching. Until, ...my "more"  became increasingly evident.

It began slowly when I was introduced to a devotional book, Jesus Calling. The daily readings connected with my life circumstances and continuously brought me peace and insight. After this, the search became fast and fierce with hunger! My driven personality led me to score more spiritual growth going after this goal 100% with discipline and a set mind. I was all in! So, the process sped up quickly. More, more, more!!

Many of my dear Christian friends helped me continue my search. One friend accompanied me to my new church for the first time and gave me a beautiful cross necklace. Another friend gifted me my cherished devotional, always met and prayed with me, set up a meeting with a pastor, enrolled me in "Alpha"(a weekly church community class discussing and answering common questions about our Christian beliefs), began a bible study with me and invited me to my first women's retreat, an undeniable transforming weekend in my life. A third friend purchased a women's bible for me, went with me to "Alpha" and started a prayer group with me, where I met more incredible and supportive friends telling me about K-LOVE, the Christian radio station that lifts me up every day. It was all overwhelming and amazing! I could not believe the kindness coming from these women to help me, truly being led by God.  I was becoming more and more filled up, and this was only the beginning.

I began to pray my way through my day keeping my focus on God first and His unconditional love. He was filling my heart with truths about how much He loves me creating strength, healing, redemption, restoration, compassion and acceptance.

I feel so blessed to have found my "more" in my relationship with Jesus. I try hard every day to be guided by the Holy Spirit, not fleshly desires. Only He can reach the deep places within me that need Him most, and fill me with the power of His word, His promises and gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Dear Jesus,

Please continue to help me from searching for my fulfillment in any one, any thing or any place but you.  May I depend solely on you, Lord, to meet my needs and deepest desires realizing nothing in this world will ever satisfy me enough but you. "For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:9