"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31:8
I am not alone! Those comforting words resonate great peace for me now that I truly believe God is with me always. For years, I struggled with feeling alone, and at times, it became a paralyzing fear.
When I was a little girl, I remember feelings of anxiety when thinking of being alone. Nothing bad ever happened to me to make me feel this way, but the insecurities within myself kept the fear alive. I needed someone with me to assure all was good, distract me from my negative thoughts, and help me make the right choices. I wasn't okay by myself, and I didn't want to mess up and not be accepted or loved.
My mother expressed how much she wanted me and loved me daily as her special, adopted child. However, my negative thoughts would creep in and tell me I wasn't good enough and didn't belong. Wondering why my father left us when I was only two years old added to my unhealthy thought pattern. Anxiety and fear grew, and panic attacks and a recurring nightmare began. I would dream of my mother jumping into a quicksand pit declaring she was leaving me all alone. These feelings created a dependence on other people since I didn't trust myself and know my true identity as God's beloved child.
As I grew older, I developed confidence and learned skills to deal with my anxiety. I didn't mind being alone as much, but I still searched for comfort from others.
Seeking support and companionship helped me. However, my genuine security and healing began when I allowed God full access to my heart, my mind and my life. God planted the right people in my path to show me His presence and promises, and encourage me to surrender to Him.
Acknowledging God's unwavering presence in my life and enjoying a beautiful relationship with his son, Jesus, now gives me everything I need! "So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I have come a long way in dealing with my fear and insecurities. My quiet times are cherished now, and I really enjoy being "alone"!
God has equipped me with trust in Him, and allowed me to let go of my fears and receive His loving presence and direction at all times. Considering my husband works out of town all week, leaving me as the sole parent to care for our children, shows my unbelievable progress. I know it was part of God's plan to rely on Him, have faith in myself and overcome!
I live with Jesus always in my heart. I am in Him and He lives in me. I clearly see that God is always at work creating good things, even through bad circumstances. He guides me daily with His word, prayer and an amazing community of people.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am grateful that my weakness, fears and desperation for needing someone ultimately led me to Your arms. With faith that you are always near, I have peace, joy and confidence. Thank you for being in control of my life and always protecting, guiding , loving and providing for me as your precious child. I will not be afraid, and I know I am not alone as stated perfectly in the following song by Kari Jobe, "I Am Not Alone".
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