Be Still from Busyness

“Be still, and know that I am God...” Psalm 46:10

Why do I put so much pressure on myself to get things done? Why do I have to be constantly moving, creating, fixing, doing? Why are my expectations of myself and of my accomplishments so high?  Who’s approval really matters?

I’ve asked myself these questions a lot lately after realizing that I cause a lot of my own stress due to unnecessary busyness. 

Busyness can get the best of me and lead to overwhelming feelings of stress, frustration and exhaustion.  But why?  I’ve prayed about this over and over knowing it’s a problem I face. It’s not always bad, but when I have a day when the lies in my head tell me I’m not good enough or when I feel I can’t “fix” a situation, I try to prove my worth and value through my productivity. 

I can feel the activity ball rolling throughout the day and sometimes I can’t stop it.  I’ll ask God for forgiveness, knowing that He’s in control of all my situations and He loves me unconditionally. Praying for peace allows me to rest for a while, but then the guilt of not doing enough rises up and I jump right back onto my treadmill of activities.

I'm reminded of one of those “busy” days occurring last year at this same time.   I started my Monday at 6:00am with prayer time, then breakfast with my 3 children before rushing out the door.  I taught an 8:00am fitness class and then trained a client at 9:15am. On my way home, my mind began to race with all the changes, schedules and issues going on in my life along with tasks I needed to do.  Knowing my husband wouldn’t return home from work until Friday, I was determined to feel accomplished and check off my to-do list. With each task I began, I created more work for myself.  While designing fitness programs for my clients, I organized my file cabinet. Putting away laundry, I cleaned out my drawers and closet. Preparing lunch, I cleaned out my entire refrigerator and freezer, plus my pantry! On the way to my mailbox, I pulled out all the weeds in the front of my house. Helping my daughter select a picture for a school assignment, I uploaded a bunch more pictures to put into my photo album.  These are only a few examples of how the race of accomplishment continued.

I got myself so overwhelmed with activity, and then felt guilty and exhausted.  On top of it all, I still had to maintain my household and parenting responsibilities without my husband home, including driving my children to dance, baseball practice and a baseball game. That night, I spoke to my husband on the phone about my “ busyness problem” occurring again.  I was beating myself up and he reminded me to take it easy, and that no one expects anything from me the way I do. Yes, I got A LOT accomplished, but at what price? All of that activity in one day was ridiculous. I never stopped, and I made myself literally sick with mental, emotional and physical exhaustion.  I kept hearing “Be still and rest.”,  but I ignored it.  Did I feel that if I didn’t keep “working” I would be a failure? Would I have a better life because I had a clean refrigerator and pantry, an organized closet, file cabinet and drawers, updated photo albums and no weeds in my yard?  What was really going on in my head and in my heart? I knew I needed to seek God for answers.

God’s voice was loud and clear. The next day, while attending my bible study, “Hearing the Voice of God”, our leader quoted Exodus 14:13. ”Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the Lord….” and then she said, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to BE STILL.” At the end of the class, we listened to a song where the first line was “I could just sit….”

Homework for our class was to fast from something that was competing for our attention, keeping us from worship, prayer and time with God for one week.  I knew I had to fast from this “busyness”. I decided to not do any activity that wasn’t necessary, and take one hour of my day to devote to God. When I got home, my internet, phone, television, and email weren’t working! Hello, God!  Later on, I had three of my upcoming client sessions for the next two days cancel on me too. I hear you, Lord! I laid down upstairs in the middle of the afternoon, by myself, secluded from activity and people and prayed for one hour.  It was marvelous!

The next morning during my prayer time, I read this bible verse from my daily devotional Jesus Calling, “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.”  Exodus 33:14

 Thank you, Jesus!! You always know just what I need.  I continued to abstain from activity that week, and felt so refreshed and closer to God while hearing His truths.

Satan will form lies and distractions, but we must choose to claim God’s promises, no condemnation. I need to break free from these lies that my worth and value come out of my accomplishments.  I am not defined by what I do, my mothering skills, my cleaning skills, my name on a business card, what I wear or what I accomplished in a day, but rather who I am in Christ Jesus. I am defined by the God who knows me by name, who promises that nothing I do or don’t do can separate me from His love that is in Christ Jesus.  I am loveable, worthy, valuable and amazing just the way God created me. He is my strength and my refuge who will stay beside me always, giving me rest from all anxiety and overwhelming situations. God is helping me realize that I’m okay as a “human being” not a “human doing”.

Dear Jesus, please help me be still with patience and rest in your presence and sovereignty when feelings of unworthiness and anxiety flood me.  May I stand on your promise that I am loved unconditionally and my value is not based on my performance, but as a beloved child of God.

 

“We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. “ Hebrews 6:12

New Truth, New Hope, New Life

I've experienced many changes in my life, but my greatest transformation happened a few years ago when I gave control of my life to Jesus, allowing true peace, hope and joy through any circumstance.

My mind has been renewed, my heart has been inspired and I have been created new! 

Old Thought – New Truth
Religion - Relationship with Jesus
Earned – Free Gift
Guilt –Righteousness
Fear – Perfect, Unconditional Love
Condemnation - Salvation

Years of thinking I had to follow a religion with set rules, rituals and ceremonies caused me to stray away from my church. I didn’t agree with some of the rules or understand a lot of the ceremonial teachings. The meaning of being a Christian became lost to me until everything was simplified. All I have to focus on is my relationship with God and His son, Jesus Christ. Accepting Him into my heart, getting to know Him personally and focusing on the truths in His word, the bible, stirred up a childlike and hungry faith. 

I felt more peaceful understanding I didn’t have to earn God’s love through my actions. Trying to earn my good standings with God by doing all that was “right” became overwhelming for me. His love and grace are not earned, but a free gift! 

By grace, through faith I am saved! My debt has already been paid by Jesus’ blood on the cross. No more chains of guilt, my sins have been washed clean with righteousness and I have a fresh start.
I don’t have to fear failing God.  He is always by my side offering me his perfect, unconditional love and eternal life.  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Thinking I’m not good enough or bowing my head in shame for my mistakes and feeling condemnation is now replaced with forgiveness and salvation. With repentance and daily communication,  through prayer, worship and bible study, the Holy Spirit is my guidance leading me to a better life glorifying God.  “For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. “ John 3:17

It is amazing what renewing our minds can do.  Once I started really believing in these new truths, my renewal became evident not only to me, but to others. A sense of peace replaced my anxious and worried thoughts, even throughout deep struggles. I have a powerful strength inside of me credited only to God.  My reactions to situations are filled with more love and patience knowing God is taking care of everything. When I surrendered my life to Jesus, he was planted as a seed in my heart. The more I am filled with His truths, the more I grow and change for people to see Him through me creating a miraculous metamorphosis.  Through the work of the Holy Spirit, I have been made a new creation in Christ, which I am infinitely grateful.  I have faith that my life now and forever will be completely fulfilled in Christ alone.

Always Searching for More

I'm extremely grateful for all that I have in my life. I've been married to a loving and supportive husband for over 20 years; blessed with three children, a beautiful home, fantastic friends, successful jobs and good health. But, I was always searching for something more.

Nothing was ever enough. I felt incomplete, lacking, unsettled, hollow; as if a never-ending hole needed to be filled. Something was missing. I craved more. So, I searched for that some thing, some one, some place that could fill up my emptiness again and again.

I tried to fill up that hole through material, emotional and physical desires. My search included many people, possessions and achievements thinking they would make me happy, guide me in good directions, settle my anxiety, affirm my needs, validate my worth, make me feel special and improve something in my life.

A few years ago, desperation finally defeated me and I hit bottom. I was tired of always searching. Until, ...my "more"  became increasingly evident.

It began slowly when I was introduced to a devotional book, Jesus Calling. The daily readings connected with my life circumstances and continuously brought me peace and insight. After this, the search became fast and fierce with hunger! My driven personality led me to score more spiritual growth going after this goal 100% with discipline and a set mind. I was all in! So, the process sped up quickly. More, more, more!!

Many of my dear Christian friends helped me continue my search. One friend accompanied me to my new church for the first time and gave me a beautiful cross necklace. Another friend gifted me my cherished devotional, always met and prayed with me, set up a meeting with a pastor, enrolled me in "Alpha"(a weekly church community class discussing and answering common questions about our Christian beliefs), began a bible study with me and invited me to my first women's retreat, an undeniable transforming weekend in my life. A third friend purchased a women's bible for me, went with me to "Alpha" and started a prayer group with me, where I met more incredible and supportive friends telling me about K-LOVE, the Christian radio station that lifts me up every day. It was all overwhelming and amazing! I could not believe the kindness coming from these women to help me, truly being led by God.  I was becoming more and more filled up, and this was only the beginning.

I began to pray my way through my day keeping my focus on God first and His unconditional love. He was filling my heart with truths about how much He loves me creating strength, healing, redemption, restoration, compassion and acceptance.

I feel so blessed to have found my "more" in my relationship with Jesus. I try hard every day to be guided by the Holy Spirit, not fleshly desires. Only He can reach the deep places within me that need Him most, and fill me with the power of His word, His promises and gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Dear Jesus,

Please continue to help me from searching for my fulfillment in any one, any thing or any place but you.  May I depend solely on you, Lord, to meet my needs and deepest desires realizing nothing in this world will ever satisfy me enough but you. "For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:9

It's Not a Coincidence, It's God

 “What a coincidence!” I frequently heard myself saying, over and over. So many things were happening connecting events, people and circumstances in my life, that it was quite incredible. The most amazing part of it all though, was when I finally realized why they were happening.  It was an emotional “a-ha moment” that was a huge turning point in my life.

God was using these “coincidences” to get my attention, and it worked! I was a believer of fate; things happening for a reason.  I believed in God and learned about Him through my religious upbringing.  Regularly attending catholic church and schools from elementary school, high school and some of my college education, I thought I knew a lot about God and the Christian teachings of my church.  What I didn’t truly know was how God had a plan for my life, which first included a deep, personal relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. All these “coincidences” were His works leading me towards that plan.

Years of trying to follow my own path was wearing me down. I was craving something more. So God sent me my angel, Shelley. We were always running into each other around town, but I never knew her name. (Coincidence?) Until one day she reached out to me on Facebook.  Shelley connected that I was in the health business, and she was interested in a nutritional product I was using.(Coincidence?) We instantly became friends as a result of our interests in nutrition, health and fitness, and agreed that proper food and fitness had a tremendous effect on our physical and mental health.  (Coincidence?) Shelley thought God brought me into her life to help with her health goals, but He had bigger plans for me. The most powerful piece of all was missing... my spiritual health.

Our relationship grew, and I began to know Shelley as a beautiful friend who shared her love for God with me. Through our time together, I saw that her undeniable faith in God gave her such peace, comfort and joy. I wanted that feeling too, but didn’t think it was for me, or the right time for me to go to her church. I had stopped going to my church a while ago, after I wasn’t feeling any meaning behind it. So, I declined Shelley’s church invitation.

Then, BOOM! ...A health problem affected a member of my family.  I knew it was a serious issue that was bigger than I could handle, and I was terrified.  I didn’t have control over this matter, and I didn’t know how to get through it.  I turned to my God-send, Shelley. Shelley prayed with me and shared scripture verses about God as our mighty counselor, healer and protector. She told me I needed to give control up to Him and He will take care of everything, working good out of every struggle.

I finally began connecting God’s plan when an  “a-ha moment coincidence” screamed my attention.  Shelley gave me a bible study book about finding comfort only through God. Right within the book, written in black and white, was a story of a person going through the same exact health issue. This character in the book had the same name, same age, same personality type, and same occupation as my family member. WHOA!..It literally gave me chills. I looked at Shelley with tears in my eyes, and said...”What a ......”, and I stopped. “It’s God!”.  “Yes!”, Shelley said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. It’s not a coincidence, Molly. It’s God!” God put that book and Shelley in my life at just the right time, and it was loud and clear that He was my answer, my savior. “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

I have accepted the most precious gift of all into my heart, Jesus, completing my body, mind and spirit.  All of my “coincidences” were signs of God, God-incidences, planned out to draw me towards following and trusting Him. God steered me through that trial in my life, but that was just the beginning. Out of my struggles, many blessings continue to come, including my unquestionable faith, peace, comfort and strength through constant prayer, worship, and bible study.

My eyes and heart are wide-open for God-incidences now. The fact that I’m blogging for you was all in God’s plan too.  I prayed for God to show me a clear sign as to whether I should share how God has miraculously been working in my life. The answer was a clear, “Yes!”, again in black and white, when I opened my bible after praying and immediately looked down at Psalm 107:2 “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story....”.