“Be still, and know that I am God...” Psalm 46:10
Why do I put so much pressure on myself
to get things done? Why do I have to be constantly moving, creating, fixing,
doing? Why are my expectations of myself and of my accomplishments so high? Who’s approval really matters?
I’ve asked myself these questions a lot
lately after realizing that I cause a lot of my own stress due to unnecessary
busyness.
Busyness can get the best of me and lead
to overwhelming feelings of stress, frustration and exhaustion. But why?
I’ve prayed about this over and over knowing it’s a problem I face. It’s
not always bad, but when I have a day when the lies in my head tell me I’m not
good enough or when I feel I can’t “fix” a situation, I try to prove my worth
and value through my productivity.
I can feel the activity ball rolling
throughout the day and sometimes I can’t stop it. I’ll ask God for forgiveness, knowing that
He’s in control of all my situations and He loves me unconditionally. Praying
for peace allows me to rest for a while, but then the guilt of not doing enough
rises up and I jump right back onto my treadmill of activities.
I'm reminded of one of those “busy” days occurring last year at this same time. I started my Monday at 6:00am
with prayer time, then breakfast with my 3 children before rushing out the
door. I taught an 8:00am fitness class
and then trained a client at 9:15am. On my way home, my mind began to race with
all the changes, schedules and issues going on in my life along with tasks I
needed to do. Knowing my husband wouldn’t
return home from work until Friday, I was determined to feel
accomplished and check off my to-do list. With each task I began, I created
more work for myself. While designing
fitness programs for my clients, I organized my file cabinet. Putting away
laundry, I cleaned out my drawers and closet. Preparing lunch, I cleaned out my
entire refrigerator and freezer, plus my pantry! On the way to my mailbox, I
pulled out all the weeds in the front of my house. Helping my daughter select a
picture for a school assignment, I uploaded a bunch more pictures to put into
my photo album. These are only a few
examples of how the race of accomplishment continued.
I got myself so overwhelmed with
activity, and then felt guilty and exhausted.
On top of it all, I still had to maintain my household and parenting
responsibilities without my husband home, including driving my children to
dance, baseball practice and a baseball game. That night, I spoke to my husband
on the phone about my “ busyness problem” occurring
again. I was beating myself up and he
reminded me to take it easy, and that no one expects anything from me the way I
do. Yes, I got A LOT accomplished, but at what price? All of that activity in
one day was ridiculous. I never stopped, and I made myself literally sick with
mental, emotional and physical exhaustion.
I kept hearing “Be still and rest.”,
but I ignored it. Did I feel that
if I didn’t keep “working” I would be a failure? Would I have a better life
because I had a clean refrigerator and pantry, an organized closet, file
cabinet and drawers, updated photo albums and no weeds in my yard? What was really going on in my head and in my
heart? I knew I needed to seek God for answers.
God’s voice was loud and clear. The
next day, while attending my bible study, “Hearing the Voice of God”, our leader
quoted Exodus 14:13. ”Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the
deliverance of the Lord….” and then she said, “The Lord will fight for you; you
need only to BE STILL.” At the end of the class, we listened to a song where
the first line was “I could just sit….”
Homework for our class was to fast from
something that was competing for our attention, keeping us from worship, prayer
and time with God for one week. I knew I
had to fast from this “busyness”. I decided to not do any activity that wasn’t
necessary, and take one hour of my day to devote to God. When I got home, my
internet, phone, television, and email weren’t working! Hello, God! Later on, I had three of my upcoming client
sessions for the next two days cancel on me too. I hear you, Lord! I laid down
upstairs in the middle of the afternoon, by myself, secluded from activity and
people and prayed for one hour. It was
marvelous!
The next morning during my prayer time,
I read this bible verse from my daily devotional Jesus Calling, “My
presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
Thank you, Jesus!! You always know just what I
need. I continued to abstain from
activity that week, and felt so refreshed and closer to God while hearing His
truths.
Satan will form lies and distractions,
but we must choose to claim God’s promises, no condemnation. I need to break
free from these lies that my worth and value come out of my
accomplishments. I am not defined by
what I do, my mothering skills, my cleaning skills, my name on a business card,
what I wear or what I accomplished in a day, but rather who I am in Christ
Jesus. I am defined by the God who knows me by name, who promises that nothing
I do or don’t do can separate me from His love that is in Christ Jesus. I am loveable, worthy, valuable and amazing
just the way God created me. He is my strength and my refuge who will stay
beside me always, giving me rest from all anxiety and overwhelming situations. God
is helping me realize that I’m okay as a “human being” not a “human doing”.
Dear Jesus, please help me be still
with patience and rest in your presence and sovereignty when feelings of
unworthiness and anxiety flood me. May I
stand on your promise that I am loved unconditionally and my value is not based
on my performance, but as a beloved child of God.
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