I Will Not Fear. God is with Me Always

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31:8

I am not alone! Those comforting words resonate great peace for me now that I truly believe God is with me always. For years, I struggled with feeling alone, and at times, it became a paralyzing fear. 

When I was a little girl, I remember feelings of anxiety when thinking of being alone. Nothing bad ever happened to me to make me feel this way, but the insecurities within myself kept the fear alive.  I needed someone with me to assure all was good, distract me from my negative thoughts, and help me make the right choices. I wasn't okay by myself, and I didn't want to mess up and not be accepted or loved.

My mother expressed how much she wanted me and loved me daily as her special, adopted child. However, my negative thoughts would creep in and tell me I wasn't good enough and didn't belong.  Wondering why my father left us when I was only two years old added to my unhealthy thought pattern.  Anxiety and fear grew, and panic attacks and a recurring nightmare began.  I would dream of my mother jumping into a quicksand pit declaring she was leaving me all alone.  These feelings created a dependence on other people since I didn't trust myself and know my true identity as God's beloved child.

As I grew older, I developed confidence and learned skills to deal with my anxiety.  I didn't mind being alone as much, but I still searched for comfort from others.

Seeking support and companionship helped me.  However, my genuine security and healing began when I allowed God full access to my heart, my mind and my life.  God planted the right people in my path to show me His presence and promises, and encourage me to surrender to Him.

Acknowledging God's unwavering presence in my life and enjoying a beautiful relationship with his son, Jesus, now gives me everything I need!  "So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I have come a long way in dealing with my fear and insecurities. My quiet times are cherished now, and I really enjoy being "alone"!

God has equipped me with trust in Him, and allowed me to let go of my fears and receive His loving presence and direction at all times.  Considering my husband works out of town all week, leaving me as the sole parent to care for our children, shows my unbelievable progress.  I know it was part of God's plan to rely on Him, have faith in myself and overcome!

I live with Jesus always in my heart.  I am in Him and He lives in me.  I clearly see that God is always at work creating good things, even through bad circumstances.  He guides me daily with His word, prayer and an amazing community of people.  

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I am grateful that my weakness, fears and desperation for needing someone ultimately led me to Your arms.  With faith that you are always near, I have peace, joy and confidence.  Thank you for being in control of my life and always protecting, guiding , loving and providing for me as your precious child. I will not be afraid, and I know I am not alone as stated perfectly in the following song by Kari Jobe, "I Am Not Alone". 

Breaking Free from Lies of Labels

Have you ever thought about the labels you’ve given yourself over the years? Labels that have molded your self-image from things you’ve heard others say or that you’ve convinced yourself to be true? Labels that have stuck with you for so long that you let yourself live according to them? I didn’t realize the impact these labels had on my life until I was challenged to think about them, write them down and destroy them. 

 Once I started examining my labels, something very unexpected began to happen, I experienced deep emotional pain that led to healing and renewal…and it was most definitely, God at work. 

 I’ll never forget the day God began to chisel away at my pain as I sat in my first women’s bible study, “Seed”, about a year ago. I was there hoping to grow closer to God, but not realizing the process I was about to go through in order to know His truth for me.  Our leader, Rachael, had a large mirror in the front of the room and she filled it with words that became her labels. These words weren’t good labels, like “beautiful” or “smart”, but rather labels containing negative connotations that she believed to be true at one time. She told us stories of how she got these labels, either by other’s words, actions, or her own thoughts throughout the years. I strongly related to some of her labels, and I was ready to write my own “false truths”. With my blue marker in hand and personal mirror in front of me, I began to reflect on what words I could write down, thinking all the way back to when I was a little girl. I quickly filled up the mirror with my labels: 

 Fearful, worrier, anxious, weak, dependent, adopted-child, fatherless, don’t belong, not accepted, failure, mistake, rejected, incapable, not enough, unhealthy child, UNWORTHY….OUCH!!

 When I finished, I looked up and saw everyone else still writing. My leader quietly directed me to bring my marked-up mirror to the front of the room where there was a table covered in black cloth and a hammer. She instructed me to use the hammer to destroy my mirror, breaking me free from those labels. I instantly started swinging and the tears and uncontrollable waves of emotion came over me. I smashed it to pieces and couldn’t stop crying. Rachael took me aside and began comforting me. She asked if she could place her hands over me and began praying with words from my Heavenly Father….”Molly, you are my precious child, my beloved daughter, and I love you so much…..You are worthy!...”. My body began to be soothed with each word I heard from Rachael’s mouth. The Holy Spirit’s presence was vividly clear.

 With that first deep cut God made on me that day, I began letting Him dig up all the false truths I’ve believed, so he could replace them with how He truly sees me. I slowly began replacing those labels with truths I heard God telling me through various sources: my daily devotional, scripture, Christian songs, Christian books, and prayer. 

 A few short months later, I sat in a second bible study, “Hearing the Voice of God”, with Rachael again as my leader. God wasn’t done breaking me free from lies yet! For one activity, we were given sheets of labels and instructed to write our false truths on one sheet and replace those labels with God’s truths on the other, ending up with one predominant label from God. I still wrote some of the same labels from before that I needed to tear down. In the front of the class, I literally tore them up and placed them in a bowl, declaring that I am NOT “unworthy” or “not enough”, and I declared my new label worn proudly now on my shirt: “Beloved Daughter of God”! 

 Since then, I strive daily to listen to my Father’s voice and realize that my true identity remains in who God says I am. During this same time, I was blessed in starting up a health and wellness ministry, “Faithfully Fit”, and I’ve led my group in similar activities discerning their truths and breaking them free from their labels in two different classes. I’ve also shared my story at a Mom’s Time Out group in my church this past fall as their guest speaker, relating how we may look healthy on the outside, but our inside could tell a completely different story. It’s not until we learn to balance all four components of our health: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, with Jesus in the center, that we can truly be completely healthy.

 Revealing my new labels was healing, and I keep them written in a picture frame my best friend gave me and on a seashell from another activity I did with my ministry, but most of all, they must remain in my mind and in my heart. Now I know my true identity as: His precious daughter, perfectly designed, chosen, treasured, adored, held, His forever, famous in my Father’s eyes, beloved, uniquely gifted, dearly loved, wanted, treasured, free, forgiven, Child of God…..AMEN! 

 My dear friends, I pray you learn from my invaluable and powerful experience. Whatever you agree with, you give power to in your life. If you agree with lies, they enslave you. Let God speak truth and give you freedom from the lies of the enemy by consistently drawing near and remaining close to Him. Learn to recognize the lies or they will cause chaos and make it difficult to hear God’s voice. 

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 

 My mind is being retrained, or renewed to think His thoughts about me. My objective is to learn not to allow anything or anyone to control my mind but Christ. “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 

 The surgery hurt, but the healing has created something wonderful, and now I am remade with a new identity from God! “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14 Enjoy this song by Francesca Battistelli as one of the many ways God spoke to me to relay His message that “He Knows My Name”!

Be Still from Busyness

“Be still, and know that I am God...” Psalm 46:10

Why do I put so much pressure on myself to get things done? Why do I have to be constantly moving, creating, fixing, doing? Why are my expectations of myself and of my accomplishments so high?  Who’s approval really matters?

I’ve asked myself these questions a lot lately after realizing that I cause a lot of my own stress due to unnecessary busyness. 

Busyness can get the best of me and lead to overwhelming feelings of stress, frustration and exhaustion.  But why?  I’ve prayed about this over and over knowing it’s a problem I face. It’s not always bad, but when I have a day when the lies in my head tell me I’m not good enough or when I feel I can’t “fix” a situation, I try to prove my worth and value through my productivity. 

I can feel the activity ball rolling throughout the day and sometimes I can’t stop it.  I’ll ask God for forgiveness, knowing that He’s in control of all my situations and He loves me unconditionally. Praying for peace allows me to rest for a while, but then the guilt of not doing enough rises up and I jump right back onto my treadmill of activities.

I'm reminded of one of those “busy” days occurring last year at this same time.   I started my Monday at 6:00am with prayer time, then breakfast with my 3 children before rushing out the door.  I taught an 8:00am fitness class and then trained a client at 9:15am. On my way home, my mind began to race with all the changes, schedules and issues going on in my life along with tasks I needed to do.  Knowing my husband wouldn’t return home from work until Friday, I was determined to feel accomplished and check off my to-do list. With each task I began, I created more work for myself.  While designing fitness programs for my clients, I organized my file cabinet. Putting away laundry, I cleaned out my drawers and closet. Preparing lunch, I cleaned out my entire refrigerator and freezer, plus my pantry! On the way to my mailbox, I pulled out all the weeds in the front of my house. Helping my daughter select a picture for a school assignment, I uploaded a bunch more pictures to put into my photo album.  These are only a few examples of how the race of accomplishment continued.

I got myself so overwhelmed with activity, and then felt guilty and exhausted.  On top of it all, I still had to maintain my household and parenting responsibilities without my husband home, including driving my children to dance, baseball practice and a baseball game. That night, I spoke to my husband on the phone about my “ busyness problem” occurring again.  I was beating myself up and he reminded me to take it easy, and that no one expects anything from me the way I do. Yes, I got A LOT accomplished, but at what price? All of that activity in one day was ridiculous. I never stopped, and I made myself literally sick with mental, emotional and physical exhaustion.  I kept hearing “Be still and rest.”,  but I ignored it.  Did I feel that if I didn’t keep “working” I would be a failure? Would I have a better life because I had a clean refrigerator and pantry, an organized closet, file cabinet and drawers, updated photo albums and no weeds in my yard?  What was really going on in my head and in my heart? I knew I needed to seek God for answers.

God’s voice was loud and clear. The next day, while attending my bible study, “Hearing the Voice of God”, our leader quoted Exodus 14:13. ”Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the Lord….” and then she said, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to BE STILL.” At the end of the class, we listened to a song where the first line was “I could just sit….”

Homework for our class was to fast from something that was competing for our attention, keeping us from worship, prayer and time with God for one week.  I knew I had to fast from this “busyness”. I decided to not do any activity that wasn’t necessary, and take one hour of my day to devote to God. When I got home, my internet, phone, television, and email weren’t working! Hello, God!  Later on, I had three of my upcoming client sessions for the next two days cancel on me too. I hear you, Lord! I laid down upstairs in the middle of the afternoon, by myself, secluded from activity and people and prayed for one hour.  It was marvelous!

The next morning during my prayer time, I read this bible verse from my daily devotional Jesus Calling, “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.”  Exodus 33:14

 Thank you, Jesus!! You always know just what I need.  I continued to abstain from activity that week, and felt so refreshed and closer to God while hearing His truths.

Satan will form lies and distractions, but we must choose to claim God’s promises, no condemnation. I need to break free from these lies that my worth and value come out of my accomplishments.  I am not defined by what I do, my mothering skills, my cleaning skills, my name on a business card, what I wear or what I accomplished in a day, but rather who I am in Christ Jesus. I am defined by the God who knows me by name, who promises that nothing I do or don’t do can separate me from His love that is in Christ Jesus.  I am loveable, worthy, valuable and amazing just the way God created me. He is my strength and my refuge who will stay beside me always, giving me rest from all anxiety and overwhelming situations. God is helping me realize that I’m okay as a “human being” not a “human doing”.

Dear Jesus, please help me be still with patience and rest in your presence and sovereignty when feelings of unworthiness and anxiety flood me.  May I stand on your promise that I am loved unconditionally and my value is not based on my performance, but as a beloved child of God.

 

“We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. “ Hebrews 6:12

Follow God's Plan for Fulfillment & Freedom

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”  Proverbs 16:9

I’ve always been an avid planner, and there are certainly positive qualities to having organized plans, schedules and goals to accomplish what we want or need.  However, following my desired path and trying to control circumstances my own way has led to a lot of frustration, anxiety, doubt and fear. Surrendering my plans to God and relying on His direction now gives me freedom, comfort and peace.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

When I reflect back on all the events that have happened in my life; joys and sorrows, people I’ve met, places I’ve gone and situations that occurred, I can clearly see God’s hand in orchestrating it all. God’s plan included substantial struggles that turned into bountiful blessings.

God carried me through many tough times, never leaving my side. He allowed me to go through the pain to reap a greater reward. My brokenness has brought me much healing, my challenges have empowered me with truths about myself, and my identity is clear as a “Dearly Loved Child of God”. I’m realizing my potential destiny will be amazing if I stay focused on trusting God’s plan, not mine.

Troubles will come, and my weapon now is not fear, anxiety or my own control. It’s prayer! I know the power of the Holy Spirit will lead me through all circumstances. I’m learning not to be discouraged, but to be still and wait on the Lord. God has insight for my problems and will turn my despair into delightful opportunities in His time.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

God equipped me with unique gifts to live a spectacular life with purpose and passion. He has destined me to make an impact on this world according to His will. God’s plan for my life may not always be what I had envisioned, but it goes beyond my understanding to bless me, protect me and give my life meaning.

Dear God, forgive me for trying to follow my own path, and keep me focused on your plan for my life. Fill me with patience and allow prayer to keep me close to your will. May I wait with expectancy for your direction allowing greater things to come. I give up control, worry, fear and anxiety to you, Lord.  I trust you will provide me with all of my needs.

New Truth, New Hope, New Life

I've experienced many changes in my life, but my greatest transformation happened a few years ago when I gave control of my life to Jesus, allowing true peace, hope and joy through any circumstance.

My mind has been renewed, my heart has been inspired and I have been created new! 

Old Thought – New Truth
Religion - Relationship with Jesus
Earned – Free Gift
Guilt –Righteousness
Fear – Perfect, Unconditional Love
Condemnation - Salvation

Years of thinking I had to follow a religion with set rules, rituals and ceremonies caused me to stray away from my church. I didn’t agree with some of the rules or understand a lot of the ceremonial teachings. The meaning of being a Christian became lost to me until everything was simplified. All I have to focus on is my relationship with God and His son, Jesus Christ. Accepting Him into my heart, getting to know Him personally and focusing on the truths in His word, the bible, stirred up a childlike and hungry faith. 

I felt more peaceful understanding I didn’t have to earn God’s love through my actions. Trying to earn my good standings with God by doing all that was “right” became overwhelming for me. His love and grace are not earned, but a free gift! 

By grace, through faith I am saved! My debt has already been paid by Jesus’ blood on the cross. No more chains of guilt, my sins have been washed clean with righteousness and I have a fresh start.
I don’t have to fear failing God.  He is always by my side offering me his perfect, unconditional love and eternal life.  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Thinking I’m not good enough or bowing my head in shame for my mistakes and feeling condemnation is now replaced with forgiveness and salvation. With repentance and daily communication,  through prayer, worship and bible study, the Holy Spirit is my guidance leading me to a better life glorifying God.  “For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. “ John 3:17

It is amazing what renewing our minds can do.  Once I started really believing in these new truths, my renewal became evident not only to me, but to others. A sense of peace replaced my anxious and worried thoughts, even throughout deep struggles. I have a powerful strength inside of me credited only to God.  My reactions to situations are filled with more love and patience knowing God is taking care of everything. When I surrendered my life to Jesus, he was planted as a seed in my heart. The more I am filled with His truths, the more I grow and change for people to see Him through me creating a miraculous metamorphosis.  Through the work of the Holy Spirit, I have been made a new creation in Christ, which I am infinitely grateful.  I have faith that my life now and forever will be completely fulfilled in Christ alone.

Always Searching for More

I'm extremely grateful for all that I have in my life. I've been married to a loving and supportive husband for over 20 years; blessed with three children, a beautiful home, fantastic friends, successful jobs and good health. But, I was always searching for something more.

Nothing was ever enough. I felt incomplete, lacking, unsettled, hollow; as if a never-ending hole needed to be filled. Something was missing. I craved more. So, I searched for that some thing, some one, some place that could fill up my emptiness again and again.

I tried to fill up that hole through material, emotional and physical desires. My search included many people, possessions and achievements thinking they would make me happy, guide me in good directions, settle my anxiety, affirm my needs, validate my worth, make me feel special and improve something in my life.

A few years ago, desperation finally defeated me and I hit bottom. I was tired of always searching. Until, ...my "more"  became increasingly evident.

It began slowly when I was introduced to a devotional book, Jesus Calling. The daily readings connected with my life circumstances and continuously brought me peace and insight. After this, the search became fast and fierce with hunger! My driven personality led me to score more spiritual growth going after this goal 100% with discipline and a set mind. I was all in! So, the process sped up quickly. More, more, more!!

Many of my dear Christian friends helped me continue my search. One friend accompanied me to my new church for the first time and gave me a beautiful cross necklace. Another friend gifted me my cherished devotional, always met and prayed with me, set up a meeting with a pastor, enrolled me in "Alpha"(a weekly church community class discussing and answering common questions about our Christian beliefs), began a bible study with me and invited me to my first women's retreat, an undeniable transforming weekend in my life. A third friend purchased a women's bible for me, went with me to "Alpha" and started a prayer group with me, where I met more incredible and supportive friends telling me about K-LOVE, the Christian radio station that lifts me up every day. It was all overwhelming and amazing! I could not believe the kindness coming from these women to help me, truly being led by God.  I was becoming more and more filled up, and this was only the beginning.

I began to pray my way through my day keeping my focus on God first and His unconditional love. He was filling my heart with truths about how much He loves me creating strength, healing, redemption, restoration, compassion and acceptance.

I feel so blessed to have found my "more" in my relationship with Jesus. I try hard every day to be guided by the Holy Spirit, not fleshly desires. Only He can reach the deep places within me that need Him most, and fill me with the power of His word, His promises and gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Dear Jesus,

Please continue to help me from searching for my fulfillment in any one, any thing or any place but you.  May I depend solely on you, Lord, to meet my needs and deepest desires realizing nothing in this world will ever satisfy me enough but you. "For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:9

It's Not a Coincidence, It's God

 “What a coincidence!” I frequently heard myself saying, over and over. So many things were happening connecting events, people and circumstances in my life, that it was quite incredible. The most amazing part of it all though, was when I finally realized why they were happening.  It was an emotional “a-ha moment” that was a huge turning point in my life.

God was using these “coincidences” to get my attention, and it worked! I was a believer of fate; things happening for a reason.  I believed in God and learned about Him through my religious upbringing.  Regularly attending catholic church and schools from elementary school, high school and some of my college education, I thought I knew a lot about God and the Christian teachings of my church.  What I didn’t truly know was how God had a plan for my life, which first included a deep, personal relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. All these “coincidences” were His works leading me towards that plan.

Years of trying to follow my own path was wearing me down. I was craving something more. So God sent me my angel, Shelley. We were always running into each other around town, but I never knew her name. (Coincidence?) Until one day she reached out to me on Facebook.  Shelley connected that I was in the health business, and she was interested in a nutritional product I was using.(Coincidence?) We instantly became friends as a result of our interests in nutrition, health and fitness, and agreed that proper food and fitness had a tremendous effect on our physical and mental health.  (Coincidence?) Shelley thought God brought me into her life to help with her health goals, but He had bigger plans for me. The most powerful piece of all was missing... my spiritual health.

Our relationship grew, and I began to know Shelley as a beautiful friend who shared her love for God with me. Through our time together, I saw that her undeniable faith in God gave her such peace, comfort and joy. I wanted that feeling too, but didn’t think it was for me, or the right time for me to go to her church. I had stopped going to my church a while ago, after I wasn’t feeling any meaning behind it. So, I declined Shelley’s church invitation.

Then, BOOM! ...A health problem affected a member of my family.  I knew it was a serious issue that was bigger than I could handle, and I was terrified.  I didn’t have control over this matter, and I didn’t know how to get through it.  I turned to my God-send, Shelley. Shelley prayed with me and shared scripture verses about God as our mighty counselor, healer and protector. She told me I needed to give control up to Him and He will take care of everything, working good out of every struggle.

I finally began connecting God’s plan when an  “a-ha moment coincidence” screamed my attention.  Shelley gave me a bible study book about finding comfort only through God. Right within the book, written in black and white, was a story of a person going through the same exact health issue. This character in the book had the same name, same age, same personality type, and same occupation as my family member. WHOA!..It literally gave me chills. I looked at Shelley with tears in my eyes, and said...”What a ......”, and I stopped. “It’s God!”.  “Yes!”, Shelley said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. It’s not a coincidence, Molly. It’s God!” God put that book and Shelley in my life at just the right time, and it was loud and clear that He was my answer, my savior. “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

I have accepted the most precious gift of all into my heart, Jesus, completing my body, mind and spirit.  All of my “coincidences” were signs of God, God-incidences, planned out to draw me towards following and trusting Him. God steered me through that trial in my life, but that was just the beginning. Out of my struggles, many blessings continue to come, including my unquestionable faith, peace, comfort and strength through constant prayer, worship, and bible study.

My eyes and heart are wide-open for God-incidences now. The fact that I’m blogging for you was all in God’s plan too.  I prayed for God to show me a clear sign as to whether I should share how God has miraculously been working in my life. The answer was a clear, “Yes!”, again in black and white, when I opened my bible after praying and immediately looked down at Psalm 107:2 “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story....”.